Over the summer I played four shows in a single weekend. It was the closest I've come to feeling like a touring musician. Between gigs I spent a lot of time in coffee shops trying to be more disciplined about writing, either songwriting or just keeping a record of my day and thoughts in a journal. 

There are some people who can work anywhere, who are able to pull out a notebook or tap out a verse on their phone between subway stops. My friend Jen is like that – she’s able to squeeze work into the tiniest slivers of time to produce delightful sketches or paintings that reflect her mindset at that particular moment. 

I am not one of those people.

For my entire life, I have struggled to stay focused, to keep my eyes on long-term goals and put in the day-to-day work necessary to reach those milestones. When it comes to music, I think writing and journaling is particularly helpful, yet it’s always the thing I let slide as soon as things get busy or hard.

When I read Laura Jane Grace’s memoir, I was struck by the clarity she brought to things that happened years ago, was able to cut through the fog of time and booze to craft her vivid stories. She was able to do that because she’d been keeping a journal, daily, since she was a child. And I’m willing to bet her religious commitment to daily writing helped her craft layered, complex songs that she sings with Against Me!

And I feel like I need to be like Laura, and like Jen, because their diligence and tenacity has led them to create remarkable bodies of work that they’ve been able to show the world. And I want my writing to be seen.

What’s weird is that I’ve never viewed playing guitar that way. Sure, playing music is a way to entertain my friends and earn a few bucks, but I have always played primarily for myself, because it makes me feel a happiness that I don’t need to share with anyone in order for it to be real.

And when I step back and think about it, writing does the same thing. It lets me see the hidden sides of myself, helps me find ideas I didn’t know I had. When I’ve spent a long time writing, I feel the same way I do after playing guitar in my garage. I feel like I’ve gotten something done, and I don’t need to show it to anybody.